Dawn of the Third Day

Maybe in another life we would have competitors, ne? Ha but as you can see, if it hadn't been from you, I would've never done any art again so... Arigato! ^_^ And after getting me into them, you've actually helped me shape dreams in reality. I was all over the place. I wanted to do everything! Hahaaaa... but in the end.. re-reading this... I've simply been extremely lucky.. to have met you like this.. that you took interest in me, and pushed me further. And even you've even not only helped me, you've also made me your partner. Heee you know... you could've hated me. You could've totally ditched me from being last minute, from not having any sort of impressive background, you know. You could've simply laughed of my file... but you didn't. You've made me, what I am now.

* Ryoku alla déposer un baiser dans le cou de son amoureux et caressa sa chevelure blonde. Il y avait plusieurs sens à ses derniers mots. Toutefois, il était clair que Ryoku voyait que Masashi l'avait accepté, pris sous son aile et fait progresser incroyablement. Pour lui, Masashi était celui qui continurait à lui en montrer. Et s'ils arrivaient à égalité, alors Masashi trouverait un moyen de pousser son propre jeu plus loin aussi. Ryoku savait qu'en étant à ses côtés, il le motivait aussi d'aller plus loin, de devenir meilleur, indirectement toutefois. Et par lui-même, il était capable de le faire. *

*Masashi écouta les paroles de son amoureux, ressentant qu'elles avaient plusieurs sens. Il réfléchit calmement à chacun des mots alors qu'il sentait les lèvres de RYoku dans son cou, puis ferma les yeux au contact de sa main. Il sourit et se tourna doucement vers Ryoku, pour l'embrasser avec tendresse et une forte dose d'amour.*

I love you more than anything in this world Ryo... I'm glad for all the good things I did for you, for making you pursue your dreams, for pushing you to your best, ...and I'm sorry for all the bad things I brought upon you, like all this drama related to my family, for how I hurt you... I... Ryo I want us to shine together. I want us to reach new heights together, always. You bring out the best in me, all the time, and I want to do exactly the same for you. Continue to get better together. Win together. Make our dreams come true together!

I can never erase all the wrongs I did but... it IS true that you would've never applied to Arts if it wasn'T from me, ne? So.. I'm glad. Even if my insecurities made you push music away, at least you haven'T completely given up on performances and arts. But I ... I really don't want you to give up on music. I want... to be there nad back you up.

*Caressant le visage de son amoureux, Masashi ne savait pas comment bine lui exprimer tout ce qu'il ressentait et désirait. Il lui sourit avec beaucoup d'émotions, puis se retourna pour regarder les feuilles à nouveau en vue de reprendre sa lecture.*

There's nothing and no one to stop us from achieving all of our dreams and goals. Everything about stage performances, all of them, we can achieve them all, together. I'm sure of it. And I ... really want it. I really, really want this, Ryo.

I really want it too, Masa... Oh so badly !

* Quand Masashi lui parlait ainsi, et lui transmettait des baisers aussi doux et remplis de sentiments, Ryoku savait à quel point il était fou de lui, parce qu'il le croyait profondément et sincèrement. Il avait l'impression que Masashi parlait avec tout son coeur, et il n'avait aucune raison de ne pas le croire. Dans sa poitrine, il eut l'impression que cela battait de plus en plus fort, car il s'emballait tout comme son amoureux. Comme lui il voyait leur partenariat, leurs victoires, leurs buts. Il osait y croire, car Masashi voulait qu'il le fasse. Il rougit légèrement, sentant ses yeux se remplir d'eau. Comme il était vraiment touché il se caressa contre la main de son amoureux en fermant les yeux puis lui offrit un sincère sourire rempli de tout son amour, et étincelant. Il resta ainsi longtemps ses yeux plongés dans les siens avant de lui offrir un petit air de défi. *

Now you come with me grab a bite. We'll cuddle on the sofa while eating and I'll give you page 5 ^~

* Sautant en bas du lit, Ryoku partit avec la suite des pages et enfila son boxer. Il était un peu drôle ainsi avec un boxer moulant et un chandail simple, mais bon c'Était assez pour se promener dans la chambre. Et côté cuisine, de toute facon, Maeko était passée et avait laissé leur commande à déjeuner, des jus et des cafés. Puis elle avait mit une note sur la table. "" Hey les amoureux, bon appétit! Je vais manger en bas avec mes amis! Prenez votre temps <3 "" Ryoku eut un petit rire en voyant cette note. Maeko était donc toujours aussi heureuse de les voir être autant en amour. *

*Masashi profita du moment où Ryoku répondait à ses caresses et de ce spectacle adorablement mignon. Il était charmé de voir son amoureux se lover contre lui, et partager ses visions. Ainsi sur cet élan de bonne humeur, il fut bien surpris de voir Ryoku sauter en bas du lit et parler de nourriture. Posant une main sur son ventre, Masashi réalisa qu'il avait faim. Il sourit et enfila un boxer à son tour, mais rien pour le top. Il fit quelques pas vers la portion cuisine et nota bien l'absence de Maeko. Voyant Ryoku en train de lire une note, il sourit et s'Approcha, l'entourant par derriere et posan sa tete contre son épaule.*

Mmm let me guess... awhh ain't she the sweetest kid ever? Hey Ryo? ... You know, sometimes... I think I should adopt Maeko. I mean! ... doesn't it feel like our little daugther, ne? She makes me so proud, and I just... I want her to know how much I love her and everything this means to me.

... Is it too sudden? Too risky maybe? ... Maybe I'll do it when we... oh my seriously, I'm getting WAY too cheesy here. Way too much. I just really want to show her how much I care for her nad how serious I am about this. Being with you Ryo, it's not just about being with "You".

^^' I guess all in due time, ne? Mmm my favorite juice ^^

Hehe, she's already acting as if you adopted her! See, she knows your food tastes by heart! Guess it helps that you and her are always teamed up for the grocery, ne? ^^

* Ryoku posa ses mains sur les bras de Masashi alentours de lui, et appuya sa tête contre celle de Masashi, profondément touché. Il rougit de plaisir et émit un petit son de bonheur. Bien que Maeko était sa soeur et pas sa fille, la relation qu'il avait avec elle était telle quelle. Après tout, celle-ci n'avait jamais connu ses parents. Et à part leur grand-mère, Ryoku avait été principalement la personne à prendre soin d'elle. Elle s'Était bien développée, d'autant plus. C'Était aussi celle qui avait trouvé la phase dépressive de RYoku la plus difficile. Elle avait été extrêmement malheureuse auprès de leur tante, et lorsque Masashi leur avait offert l'appartement, Ryoku l'avait ramenée avec lui le plus vite possible, à son grand bonheur. D'un certain sens, Ryoku n'Était pas le seul à avoir vu Masashi comme le héro qui le sauvait. Pour Maeko toutefois, Masashi était le copain de Ryoku, mais aussi la figurine paternelle sur lequel elle prenait modèle. Ryoku donna un petit baiser à Masashi, puis récolta leur lunch et l'amena sur la table du salon. Il tendit ensuite les bras vers son amoureux, s'asseyant sur le sofa, avec tout de prêt. Il ajouta le cup de lait et le sucre à son café, celui de Masashi, restant noir comme toujours. *

When she did the sailor moon... oh man, it was all your teachings there! I could see you through her, it was crazy! Hihi, I suppose it's true though, we really do treat her like our daughter ^_^ I just... wish I had such a good Relationship with Miaka-chan as you have with her.

... Dont worry sbout this Ryo. Miaka is much younger, and it hasn't been that long since she knows me so it's probably even more confusing for her. Also, Tara ... well she taught Miaka very differently than us, or than how Maeko was raised. I'm pretty sure Miaka will eventually like you the same way, it's just not the same situation.

... and she doesn't live with us either. Unlike Maeko, who does. I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want a little baby girl like Miaka with me all the time, I couldn't handle it. Heck even now, I'm so glad she's being taken care of by ... err... Tara? Sojih? I gotta say, I'm not really sure >.> I'm unfit to be a dad before the kid gets to be 10 or something T_T

She was really awesome as a sailor ^-^ And look at her, Queen of the Geeks! She's really, really something. I tell you, she'll be anything she wishes to be, because she's got everything of teh best as examples ^~ Heheheh! I still remember that picnic day, how I learned that she was allergic to strawberries. I remember her cute little eyes on me, and that wonderful smile. Same as yours! She's an adorable angel, this little girl ^-^! Mmm oh Ryo come on, gimme page 5 >.< !

*Se fiasant un peu impatient, MAsashi prenait son café apres avoir pris une bouchée du sandwich matin lean qu'il s'était fait à partir des ingrédients récoltés par Maeko.*

Hihi, you know it's coming up ne? The strawberry allergy?! Haha!! You'Re so cute my sweet Masa, the cutest of all !! Aaaaah i love you so !

* Ryoku déposa la page 5 sur les genoux de son amoureux et l'entoura de ses bras, le caressant partout avec excitation. Il était tellement comique et adorable à la fois quand il était impatient. Ce qu'ils étaient bien ensemble, ainsi. S'amuser, faire l'amour, partir à l'aventure, se conter des histoires, performer. C'Était vraiment leur vie idéale. Ryoku songea à la chance qu'il avait que Maeko soit une meilleure enfant que Tamafune. Mais il songea aussi au fait qu'elle n'avait pas vécu les mêmes épreuves. Malgré toutes les foudres de Tamafune et ses plans diaboliques, une portion de Ryoku ne lui en voulait pas. Il tentait de son mieux de s'expliquer son comportement par les épreuves qu'elle avait subi. Mais cela devenait de plus en plus difficile. *

- Ryoku's story, p5-
When the summer ended, Jiyu had already started to go to classes. I spent my last days picnicking with the girls at the university park. I was nervous, yet so excited to start my classes, my courses, to see what my classmates would looklike. How talented they would be. Would they all come with a background of dreams and passion like me? What was their story? Ah such a bad brother I was. I couldn't concentrate one second on them. I even brought them to the campus to show them. I didn't know that it would be the start of another crazy adventure. I was sure Hikaru Masashi and I would meet again, but certainly not like this. For some strange reason, he appeared to us as we were lunching. He stood right there next to us, looking down on me, as if he had spotted me from afar, in perfect control, with a plan in his head, knowing exactly why he was there. As if all this had been decided for me, and I, the only idiot, didn't know what was going on. I wish my eyes didn't go from bottom on up, as I looked up to him calling my name. "Seiken" he said.


I guess that day, and that flyer didn't do him much justice. He was much more handsome from close like this. He was wearing this sweet smelling perfume, of that out of price brand, that was just soothing and signing already that a hardcore playboy was standing next to me. During the whole summer I had been so excited about the performing arts that I didn't give much time to fantasize about men, yet I was forced to remember how much I am drawn to that kind of body shape. Long legs, musculated thighs, a small waist with a square chest, fitting shoulders and an elegant stance. He was wearing this brand of jeans I adore, because it reveals just enough of body curves, with a pretty sky blue shirt, just enough opened, revealing a nice golden chain. His hair looked a bit wild, and so was his smile. His stare was piercing. Why was he there? I couldn't speak a word. Had he dressed up to please me? Thinking that a "slut" like me would adore his looks? I did. Oh I did. I even trembled, and then remembered how much he had insulted me. I had to stand up to a man like him. He didn't know me, not at all. So i got up, only to get closer to his pretty face. He asked if he was pestering me, as he looked at my sisters and I told him who they were. I got curious. Why was he there? He said he'd cut to the chase, he wanted to ask me if I was part of one theater group. mm? Why me? Because I was among the most promising students? I couldn't just say that... it wouldn't be my style. So I asked what seemed the most resonable. Was this because of Setsuna? He assured it wasn't. He told me he looked at my portfolio and wanted me part of his troup.

Yes, that day. I remember quite vividly actually. I remember coming to you with my mind dead-set on convincing you to be part of my troup, even if I had insulted you back then. I had to have a plan ready, because I could've easily been swept away by this insulting feeling. I didn't want to apologize, I didn't want to feel stupid for having called you out and then "begging" you to join my troup. It had to feel different than this. I worked pretty hard on my speech, and yes, I did actually think about how I would dress and all that.

Oh...? So you liked my look already, ne? Drawn to me despite my cocky attitude? Mmm I remember you were so adorably cute, I had no idea what went through your mind. I was just so convinced I had to get you that I couldn't notice how you were staring at me ^^'

SCholarship winner. You. The guy I had spotted having sex with Setsuna. Ugh. Really then? I would show you I could "play gay" and seduce you. I'd show you just how much of a "gay slut" you really were. Yet the second I ran into you, you in your natural self, you were so ...I don't know. Cute? Simple? Honest? I couldn't just insult you or use you, especially knowing you were this talented. Maybe you even "lied your gay" through to Setsuna for some reason. I had to know. I had to know how much it was pure talent and sheer genious.

*Masashi était tellement ocntent de se remettre a lire, ne réalisant pas qu'il battait doucement des jambes. C'était plus que plaisant, et il espérait pouvoir rendre la pareille a Ryoku bientôt. Il voulait partager aussi avec lui comment il s'était senti, et encore aujourd'hui. Tout ceci était si puissant, les deux devaient être en train de le revivre intérieurement. Il essayait de ne pas tourner les pages trop rapidement ou brusquement, mais avait bien hâte de poursuivre sa lecture.*

=^^= You think so?? Aaaah to think you were so handsome... oh so sexy you were... and I was so simply arranged on that summer afternoon. A dark shirt, a very old ripped pair of jeans. Old running shoes. Haaa nothing to score points ^^' No wonder you didn't notice how you mesmerized me... probably ended up questionning your desire for me to join !!

* Ryoku eut un petit rire, se sentant tout embarassé d'avoir été si simplement lui-même devant la majestueuse entrée en force de Masashi dans sa vie. Et pourtant le fait qu'il avait si simple, qu,il avait tout révélé de sa pauvreté, avait ainsi livré un Ryoku à nu à son prédateur. Peut-être était-ce en fond bien mieux comme cela, pour le charmer, pour l'intriguer. Ryoku ne savait pas trop. Puis alors qu'il tentait de garder un sourire, il remarqua que Masashi devenait plus excité. Il rougit malgré lui. Il savait bien qu'il attendait cette portion avec impatience et était bien heureux de lui montrer comment cela s'Était produit dans son coeur. *

- Ryoku's story p5 -

At this moment, I felt a chill that went under my skin. I didn't know what it meant. His traits were so soft yet he looked like he was forcing himself to be arrogant. He was giving himself a strong look, yet was he that strong? Was it a role? Afterall a performing arts professor could probably make me believe anything. Maybe I was just gullible, or weak or charmed by his good looks... I just wanted to say yes, yes, I want to. Please make me part of your group. So I said no. I said I was working on friday nights, the nights his troup was meeting up. He laughed and asked my salary. He said he'd pay me to come. He probably was just messing up with me, I got all uncomfortable. What a cruel man. First I was a gay slut, now a poor weak man falling for his good looks. What was his true intention? Making me look at him instead of Setsuna? Ha, he was exactly what I loved in a man, his stance, his confidence, his voice, his allure. It wasn't a difficult thing, and he knew it the second I placed my eyes on him. Yet... I am not a gay slut, and I didn't come to the performing arts to be toyed with. I came because I had a dream. I thought, maybe telling him who I was would make him stop going after me. I told him the truth. My parents were dead, I had to take care of mysisters, no matter what were my dreams, and that working for them was passing above all else. That his offer was tempting, but that I didn't appreciate being toyed with. I already had a brother who was toying with me all the time. He said he knew my brother, and that he alredy offered him a blowjob for drugs. I got so shocked, I think it cooled me down a bit. Hikaru-sensei went on talking about his past. I learned more about who he was, about his life as a rich playboy. He wasn't a child of hearts. He was pretty much the black sheep of the family, the rejected one, because he liked the arts, because they all thought he was worthless because of this, even if he had a certain talent. He got to be appreciated by men and women for his charm, his looks, and it became part of him. He filled this emptiness with flirting strangers. The powerful family forced him to get back to Osaka to watch over Setsuna, meant to take over their companies, and wanted him to remove him from the claws of gayness. He said he thought I was his boyfriend, but I assured him not, that in fact we weren't even fuck friends. In fact, I believed in love so I thought I'd do that only with a lover and not just some friend or sexy man. He laughed. I can't believe the words were blurted out so easily. Now that I think of it, it was probably the silliest thing a man like me could tell a man like him. He said it was pretty good. What? Being taken on. What??! Yes that handsome professor, went on telling me about his gay indiscreties. It wasn't long before I realised he liked being strong for women but submitting to men. And who did he call a gay slut again? I laughed of nervousness. Why did he tell me all this? Why was he so charming at the same time? These confidences... these secrets, how horrible they were, how contradictory to my values they were, and yet he looked so fragile as he talked. Did that man have a friend? Why was he so close to me? I couldn't take my eyes off him. What did he want from me? I was all but the worst match for a man like him... the worst kind of partner and yet, the look he gave me... I almost saw myself undressing him.

Aaah yes. I do remember saying way too many things that day. Why did I say everything like that? Ugh... I probably looked so desperate yeah... I was ready to talk to anyone, sure. It is true, I didn't really have any friends. I mean, sure I could make friends easily but I had just moved back to Osaka. Deokin still wasn't out of jail back then, and Sojih... well she was probably better off without me. I thought I was the one bringing drama into her life, but in teh end she was doing pretty good with herself >.> . While it is true that I hadn't many friends back then, the truth is I found myself wanting to apologize for how I traeted you, wanting to tell you that I believed in your dreams and wished for them to come true. I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you about me... just as you told me about yourself. I figured...if you told me about your past, I was supposed to tell you about mine too, no ? AS a proof of friendship or equality... maybe I just wanted you to know that I could have gay sex too. i dont really know. I spoke way too much. I'm amazed I didn't scare you.

... I gotta say, it probably felt pretty awkward for you, ne? ^^' especially me offering to pay and all... but I juts couldn't handle the fact that you'd turn me down for a silly job. I wanted you to go through with your dreams, with your talents. I didnt want to ruin your life or give you truoble. It seemed like a fair decision, but it probably looked wierd irght? ^^'' that's why you said no at first.

*Bien qu'il en était inconscient, Masashi était content que Ryoku note son excitation face aux passages. C'était si significatif pour eux, ce moment. Il sourit avec une certaine gêne, secouant un peu la tête et prenant une gorgée de café. C'était excitant et gênant de relire a propos de leur début, non?*

You've always been so cute when you're excited.. back then, just like now. I guess it worked its magic back in time, just as it still does =^_^= !

Was it such a good idea you saw all I thought? I mean it's true you told me so many things... but it was crazy in itself! I was just a country boy... I just arrived in town. Yasunari was pretty much all I knew about the nightlife... Setsuna showed me about the gay world... but there was another underworld which you were part of. What took me? I wanted to save you too. Wanted to show you your rich blazed off life, your life was so empty because there wasn't any passion nor love in itself.

You didn't scare me off love... Rather, you fascinated me.

- Ryoku's story p.6 -
Thank god Maeko saved me from this strange discussion. Like a tornado, he had me mesmerized by him, and I had listened to him for hours. She had an allergic reaction, and he helped me out with her. He looked so happy to be useful to us. Was he lonely? Why did he stay to help? When Maeko got better, he took me aside and asked me again to join his troups. He said that he believed in me, that he wanted to see me prove him that gay men weren't all like Setsuna, that some of them were actually different and special. At that moment, he looked right through my eyes and he seemed so determined that there was no way I could ever say no. I felt the same fire inside me, the same as when i applied to the performing arts. I was nervous, yet I felt overconfident, powerful like everything was possible. I told him he was one pretty bored rich man, throwing his money out like this. I didn't dare touch him, yet I wanted to place my hand on his chest, to show him my point. I said that I had one condition. Why did i do such thing? What took me? "Then let's spend the evening after together, let me show that your rich life doesn't have to be boring like this". He smirked. We had our deal. And one deal it was. Why did he make it? Why did I go this far? Was this all he wanted? To make a young gay man fall for him?

That night my sisters told me I looked overly happy. For some reason, I believed them. I took out my old grandpa's castagnettes, and wrote the letter E. D had been written after my acceptation in the performing arts. And C... I don't remember. I sang out in the shower. I felt a giddy wave inside me. I giggled to myself. I kept thinking back about this strange encounter. About being part of a great troup like this. About this handsome man saying he needed me in his troup. Maybe it was all just a game but I was strong enough to be part of it. Maybe the dreamer I was would end up getting hurt, yet I couldn't help but be swept away.

*Alors que Masashi se demandait ce qu'il avait dit et ce qu'il avait pensé, car Ryoku et lui étaient tellement connectés ensemble qu'il en oubliait parfois quelle était la limite. Il sourit et inclina un peu la tête sur le côté, charmé par la douceur de son amoureux, et les souvenirs qui l'envahissaient.*

I remember. I remember how you looked curious. You were wondering why I stayed, ne? I remember looking into your eyes, insisting. Did it not look like I was obsessed with you already ? Following you, looking good for you, insisting to have you part of my troup... offering to pay you? You were still the cocky boy. You said no! Who in the world would ever say no?! But clearly, you had gotten my attention even more. "how dare he?" I remember thinking. You wanted to touch me already? Eh. You were so full of yourself, it never crossed my mind that you weren't sure of what you were doing. Sneaky actor.

Your condition.... it struck me as odd. I remember not even thinking one second before accepting. Yet in my mind, things went out of control. Why did I insist? Why did I stay with you for so long? I really wanted you in my troup, but was I not being fooled here? Clearly, you had won. Yet I was moved by your smoothness, attracted to this gorgeous smile, charmed by your cool air.

I had nothing to lose, in fact. I was pretty lonely, and I was ... I dont know, maybe in need of such things. Interesting things to do, something to get me out of my ... unhealthy habits. Maybe I just wanted a normal life. Maybe I just wanted to be able to have fun and enjoy myself through things I really liked, and not just unconventional and dangerous things, because I wanted to get someone's attention. I felt... like you actually cared. Maybe that's why I accepted.

Oh I remember the castagnettes! The letters... they meant something. The five feelings or reasons throughout to find happiness, right?

..oh Ryo, I'm so sorry. I did end up hurting you and your dreamer self... I'm so sorry aobut this... but no matter how cruel it sounds, I'd rather have you dreaming and getting hurt, then never dreaming.

My mother's twelve rules of happiness yes ^_^ ! I only met my grandpa once or twice when I was extremely young. But when I lived with grandma, I went through his things and the castagnettes were the only thing related to music I could find, so I kept them. The letter Y was carved onto one side, and H on the other. They stood for Hatsumi Yahei, my grandfather's name. But then they were well placed for a whole alphabet. So I.. I decided to complete it, and add a letter each time the 12 rules were filled. I know it sounds awfully stupid... but it really meant a lot to me.

* Ryoku sourit paisiblement à son copain, mais en même rougit intensément. Il se souvenait les avoir données à Masashi après lui avoir donné son tout premier blowjob. Masashi se souvenait davantage de ce cadeau là que du deuxième... et c'était bien normal! Il eut un petit rire a la pensée et se colla sur lui, tout en ramenant son café de l'autre main. *

- Ryoku's story p.7 -
Just who was Hikaru Masashi? During the first week of classes, everyone was talking about him. The new faculty professor, the handsome hunk, reputated to sleep with his female students. He was on everyone's lips. The girls loved him, the guys envied him. There were so many rumors. That he was driving an out of price luxurious sports car, that he had more women in his bed that one could count, that he was attending the worst clubs in town, that he turned down offer across the country to teach drama. He was the Hikaru family's black sheep, and the media loved him. Seemed he was a clothes model too. It was so strange... that man came to get me, of all people, in his troup? Why me? Why not all the prettiest girls? that's all they wanted. He probably recruted a few girls too at the very least. Maybe I was to be the only man! How could I know...? He was already rich, powerful and beautiful. He didn't need more to be famous. Yet why teaching here? Setsuna yes but... Why going after Midori? He won it. He had to be more than a pretty figure. I guess I couldn't concentrate too much on classes. All I could think of was him. That mysterious handsome professor. And day after day, I was getting closer to showing him what I was made of. Closer to see if he was serious about having me in his troup.

That first friday, I woke up at 4h in the morning. I couldnt sleep. I spent hours arranging my mp3's playlist, my hair, changing 4 times to find the good clothes. I changed so often I missed the beginning of my first class. I doodled around in all my books. I even dazed off while playing guitar! This never happens to me. I was feeling like a young pup, excited at the first snowflakes he sees. And at the same time, it wasn't all just because of him. I was conscious that his troup was one of the most promising troups. This was a chance for me to become renown, and maybe even edge a spot among the country's junior countdown! This was a huge chance. I wanted to see if this was just a dream or reality... and make most of it. The funny part is, when the troup reunited for the first time, I wasn't even nervous anymore. I had gotten so serious about prooving myself that I probably scared off everyone as being rigid and arrogant. I thought id have to beat down the girls with a bat to get to Hikaru-sensei yet it wasn't exactly like that. He was indeed surrounded by girls but he separated his troup in two. He made a girl only group that he would direct first and a mixed troup afterwards of which he'd be part of. He came to get me and presented me to everyone. A guy named Ken welcomed me warmly, and another one made me feel like crap. But Hikaru-Sensei soon stole my attention away. He said we were to play gravitation and that I'd be the perfect Shuichi because I sang and act. He said I couldn't go against him. And that he would be Yuki. Period. Wait! Weren't Shuichi and Yuki lovers? Him and I ? Lovers on scene? Yes. At the end, we'd kiss. We'd kiss....

*Masashi essaya de ne pas rire de son erreur en terme de chiffres. Toutefois, il se rappelait aussi bien le blowjob que le cadeau. Il se rappelait ne pas avoir compris du tout, puis avoir fondu à l'explication de Ryoku. Il secoua doucement la tête et laissa Ryoku s'approcher de lui, le collant contre lui alors qu'il poursuivait sa lecture.*

Haha ^^' such rumors about me, ne ? I had no real reason to be there. I ... usually never listened to family's orders. But Osaka.. it was also a chance to get closer to Deokin and Sojih again, and I did miss them. Especially Deokin. Of course I could get all the girls I wanted and bla bla bla... which is exactly why I didn't want them. Way too easy. I needed some sort of challenge. You were teh perfect challenge. Well... not so much, because you were already head over heels for me. But I thought it would make for an interesting turn of events, to get you, to flirt you, to see how you'd do with your talents and this passionnate flame. I wanted you to know I was serious about this, about you, about the troup. I had no intention of not winning. So I chose the anime and the casting accordingly. And at the end, we'd settle for a kiss. If things worked out, maybe more would happen. If anything didn't work, then it would be a play and that's that.

Once my mind was set, I had to speak it quickly before I changed ideas, regretted it or became too scared. Once I had said it, I couldnt' take it back. I couldn't back down from this. Yuki was also an interesting role for me and at the same time, not too complicated. I could master it while performing my teacher job. I was actually really excited, that day, to settle the troups and announce the piece we'd play. I'm pretty sure I broke Ken's heart by not even hearing him out before giving him Ryuichi's role, but he was perfect for it. In the end, everyone had a good role for this. Taht's also why we won ^^' Hehe ^^''' Lovers on scene, ne? Kissing... usually meant nothing to me. And yet.... i dont know, I felt something thrilling about waiting for this kiss, waiting... expecting it.

Talk about a way to have the new boy make friends! They didn't know who I was and yet you gave me the first role! I couldn't even speak in my defense nor earn the role! But at the same time... it was such an amazing chance, and we'd play lovers... we'd play close, we'd have to be together... It was the sexiest flirt ever, and I couldn't even realise it. I was just completly blown away.

... Ahhh... are you deceived? Deceived that I was already affected by your charm? Did you wish I was a bit more hard to get? That I wasn't like everyone, swept by your good looks, by your way of forcing yourself onto my life, by your secret fragility, and your oh so evident cuteness when you had an idea in mind? Masa... maybe I shouldn't have shown you, ne?

* Inquiet, Ryoku ferma les yeux et resta lové contre Masashi. Et si tout apprendre brisait le charme, brisait les fantaisies de MAsashi à propos de leurs débuts? Il n'Avait pas songé à cette possibilité. *

- Ryoku's Story p.7 -
That night Hikaru-sensei and I went out. He had me feeling completly nervous from that role distribution. Even if I didn't want to, I sorta felt honored and charmed. This stimulated my flirtacious side to the maximum. I couldn't help but enter the flirting mode. Afterall, I couldn't spend the evening with red cheeks and the heart pounding in my chest. Even if he was the world's sexiest playboy ever, even if we were worlds apart, and that he was everything but gay, I just had to give him my best allure, just because. Just in case.. just because. I was so mesmerized by my chance of being right here right now with him, and feeling like the most special of everyone around him, in his troup, in his world... at this moment. I was the luckiest in the world. Maybe, I was just like all the girls he was taking on dates, maybe, he did this countless time with girls, maybe he was the kind of man to make his prey feel like the most unique and talented in the world... He surely succeed in getting to me. It was unbelievably dangerous for my heart, yet this made the whole situation even more thrilling. Alternating between light and deep topics, again, he went on confiding in me. Did I look liek that much worth of confidence? Maybe he was the kind to confide in everyone? No... for some reason, i knew this wasn't the case. The more he talked. The more I felt drawned to him. I couldn't take my eyes off him, and I couldn't give my attention to anything else. He grasped my every thought with such talent I couldn't believe it. Even if I did my maximum, even if I tried to look handsome, to give him seductive smiles, all I could do is grin innocently to his beauty, being touched by his stories, wanting to pass my hands on his cheeks, telling him I'd be there for him, if he needed me. That we could make a marvelous team together. He couldn't hide the fact that he hoped that with me in his team, he could show his family that he was talented, if he could bring a troup to the countdown this year. He said I gave him the confidence to do so, with such an honest smile. I think that tore my heart in a hundred. I took his hands. We had the same vision. We both dreamed of this. Yes we could make it. We could reach the top. Him as Yuki, me as his Shuichi. I'd do all I could to help him. This was not just my goal anymore, it had double meaning. We shared a dream, and yet now it was even more important. I wouldve done everything for him.

*Masashi écouta Ryoku et rougit un peu à ses dires. Il n'avait pas réellement réalisé que cette maniere de planifier leur premier baiser, sur scène, était vraiment un flirt très hot. En réalité, il voulait juste être certain de ne pas trop devoir se soucier de ceci jusqu'a la pièce. Peut-être même avait-il voulu que le premier baiesr de la scène soit si réel que ce soit réellement leur premier baiser. Il rougit davantage en y repensant. Tenant Ryoku encore plus près de lui, Masashi se plaisait à repenser à tous ces moments avec Ryoku, et contrairemnet a ce qui inquiétait celui-ci, Masashi repensait a tout ce qui l'avait charmé chez son amoureux.*

I had a lot of things to say, I guess. Or maybe I was just so nervous, I didn't know what else to say... so I was revealing myself. I trusted you. I appreciated you. From the first time, you intrigued me. From the second time, you had me entranced. From the moment that I understood that we'd spend more than a few minutes together, I knew it would be a lot of time spent together. I knew ... i dont know, I felt it. I wanted to get closer to you.

... I hadn't realised all of this ^^''' you know I ... maybe I did it unconsciously, but I really hadn't realised I was so flirtatious with you from the get-go ^^''' it seems so obvious now, and yet, back then... I had no clue that this was why I acted the way I did! It's funny... doesn't it seem obvious to you now? How I was obviously falling for you and not even realising it? it seems you didnt know either, back then, but from an outside perspective....

I really feel like I'm hearing Deokin's words. "Why are you taking forever to dress up?" ... because, I want to look my best. "...aren't you just going out with a friend from your troup?" Well yeah. " So why bother?" Because, it'S important. I want to look sharp and you know, in control and all. "You're flirting him." Wha?! Are you out of your mind? Geez man, I want to dress well, wha'ts wrong with that? ... Eh.

Hmmm.. I don't know... to me it wasn't all that obvious because you were so damn popular... There were so many girls talking about you, I thought you were this way with everybody. I dreamt of being special for you, but I didn't think I was... I thought you were seeing me as a friend. I didn't even know you had a best friend. But it's true, you were always getting sexier and sexier. You were always wearing this great perfume, and clothes of my favorites brands. You always looked so stunning, and always had greater ideas of what to do next. "How about we go there this week?!" You'd tell me... always coming up with plans that required quite the planification or none at all. Like shopping... but that was planning for the week after! =^^=

* Ryoku regarda Masashi, ayant l'impression que tous les deux revivaient leurs premières rencontres avec un plaisir fou. Il repensa à cette soirée shopping ensemble. Poser comme un modèle devant lui, avec lui, rendre les vendeuses complètement dingue, essayer des trucs farfelus, boire des tonnes de café, prendre toutes sortes de photos extravagantes et sexy l'un de l'autre... Il ferma les yeux de bonheur. *

- Ryoku's story p8 -
If he had been obsessing me before, it became much worse after that day. After the day he became not just my professor, but he was now Masashi, and closer to me than all the other students. I had won a special place aside him, and it was all I could think about.

Some nights Id find myself running to the school's library, taking a computer to google Hikaru Masashi's name and download pictures of him as a model, and read about what he did, about his master's thesis, about the previous plays he played in. I even looked at all the videos of him on youtube. I read every blog of fangirls about him. I was the creepiest stalker. I couldn't help myself. I needed to know every little detail about him. Between classes I walked to where he was teaching taking a look at him lecturing. So serious yet so full of charisma. He was giving a performance much more than he was teaching. I couldn't hope to be even close to his level, but I wanted him to acknowledge me, I wanted him to be impressed, to see that that man he had insulted months ago, was not only a top student, but the next star to stand right by him. Every encouraging word he gave me, I wrote down and felt even more motivated to go on. Even when it was tough, tireing, I would close my eyes, repeat his words. I'd imagine what he'd be doing while I worked evening shifts on weekends. I knew he'd probably be going out with girls, flirting... dancing... how I wished to dance with him. I thought that I hsould perfect every dance move until i'd get my chance, get my body close to his, join in moves, sweat and desire. The idea was making my head spin. I had to work harder, harder, if I wanted to dance better than every girl, if I wanted him to think my body would be much more attractive than a girl's. Oh i had so much work to do. I was slowly losing my mind. He was unreachable, yet everything about him was so exciting. He didn't love anyone, did he not? Even if he was having sex with someone else when I was right here drowning in dreams of him, I couldn't give up. Maybe I'd have a chance if I became good enough. I had to try. I would only regret not to.

In dance class, they told me I had gained a new vigor, soon I became first on the class classifications. I got front place on dance shows. They told me I had become sexier, smoother, more relaxed yet in confidence. I learned even the most difficult steps quicker. I danced as I was walking the streets from my aunt's to my place, singing Shuichi's songs. I texted Masashi's Shiuchi quotes and he quickly replied with Yuki's... In singing class I made my teachers cry, they said my voice had never been so poignant. They said my every move looked like it was meant to impress. That I looked like a star already. This was probably the result of me sleeping less, spending hours practicing more and more, reading plays and lines at 3 am, listening to class with such vigor, doing twice as much homeowrk as I should. In fact, even if I was getting better, I couldn't stop practicing, practicing even more as I was seeing the results... I knew that the only way that this made sense was that because there was someone I wanted to impress. Someone I wanted to show to that I was worth of.

*Masashi écouta Ryoku, mais il éprouvait de la difficulté à lui répondre car il désirait poursuivre sa lecture. Il repensa entre autres à leur sortie shopping et sourit avec grand bonheur.*

... I really... don't you see? I mena, without even reading about my emotions back then, don't you see how obvious it is that I was falling madly in love with you? Dressing more and more to your tastes, acting accordindgly, bringing you to better places, getting closer, wanting more. Activities became more and more like dates and the flirting became more and more obvious. Shopping? Sure. Of course. Excuses to spoil you. Excuses to see you in magnificent clothes. Excuses to stare at your body. Pretending to practice acting and posing.

haha ^^'' was it really always me, suggesting new ideas every week and making these activities slowly and slowly more and more intimate? Mmm oh, oh you Googled me?? Aaah you really looked to try and please me, ne? =^-^=

I wonder how much you read and saw. I wonder.... why you still wanted me. Was I not an irresponsible, immature playboy? One without much for love or protection or anything sane. But I was a dreamer, like you. I had passion too, passion that would go out and reveal itself only on occasions. The reste of the time, I was bored. That's why your "deal" appealed to me. I wanted to see where you would bring me and what you'd make me do. I had nothing to lose. You wanted to be there with me, ne? You wanted me to acknowledge you. It started with proving a cocky man that you were better than this, that you deserved respect. Respect changed to recognition, and evolved towards acceptance, appreciation, ...and both got caught up in each other. Appreciation became attraction, and love.

Oh I indeed really did.... =^^= But you know I did suggest a few crazy ideas here and there. Id say we were even. I really tried my best Masa..! It got me so busy I barely had the time to realise everything that was going on in my myself. Everyday was a new challenge, I'd wake up with the thrill to do more... and to know you more. Sometimes in drama class, I knew you'd be exercising us on some themes just because I had seen you prepare it. I was attracted by your determination at making us better, at going as deep as you could in the essence of the art. And even if the scene is your master art, you've always had profound respect for all the others, as they were brother arts or something. And that.. that just made me appreciate you even more.

* Ryoku s'aperçu rapidement que plus la lecture avancait, plus Masashi devenait pensif, mais c'Était normal en même temps. Il entrait des pieces de puzzle dans ses propres souvenirs et il entrait aussi dans le coeur de Ryoku, et comment celui-ci avait vécu ces soirées séparées, ces nuits remplies de rêves, ces moments si privilégiés. *

- Ryoku's story p9-
In drama class, I was feverish just at the idea of practicing with him. Each time, we would interact in a mixture of laugh and seduction. At first I thought my heart was racing only because of the excitement of the project, but soon I realised it was because it was a continuous little show in front of him. Shuichi was nothing like me, except that he was singing so beautifully. Through him, I could sing for Masashi, I could be close to him, pretend to be his clingy boyfriend. He would act, so close to me, touching me, and then give me feedback on my performance. He'd always give me more comments, and he'd even come placing me, replaying parts with me. Sometimes, the others asked me if that was harassing me... but no, not at all. Weren't Masashi's corrections all in order to make me better? The more he'd tell me to correct something, the better I'd get. In fact, he was probably treating me more severely, because he knew I could take more. And I wanted more. I wanted him to check out details he wouldn't on the others. I wanted him to play with someone that would make him shine, and would bring him to victory. Someone worthy of playing his boyfriend.

When he took me out on fridays, it wasn't long before we did the craziest things. Together we raced around the city, went to concerts, tasted the fanciest drinks, visited the most beautiful theaters, museums, parks. We jumped from the highest tower at the amusement park, we critiqued the best movies to come out... Each week I couldn't believe how much we had in common, how we never truly argued, how every difference between us seemed more like a mystery than a deception. I was looking forward to our next unreal adventure with such enthousiasm, Im pretty sure he thought I was crazy. Even if I wanted to charm him the best I could, he would come back at me with his sexy allure and I'd lose all my control again. It was harder and harder to keep my hands off him, I just wanted to be closer to him, know every little detail, have him tell me everything. Everytime he offered me a swift touch, a brisk smile, a personal question, I felt like the most special in the universe. Like he was sharing with me so much more than the others, like I had become someone important for him. Someone who would love the arts just like he did, someone that admired him, oh with every look. He knew how drawn to him I was. He had to be. Im sure he knew how much my heart raced everytime my eyes would meet his. Every week I'd carve one more letter after our dates, because I didn't know how to express how happy and lucky I was feeling. On week days i'd carve some at the slightest mention of him. When he'd call me up in the evening to practice our lines, when he texted me congratulations about the dance shows and the singing classifications. I couldn't believe he noticed... that he took the time to check, that he... the most gorgeous professor, would take of his time to know just a bit more about me. And it only stimulated me to get better and better. Maybe one day he would actually come and look at me... Oh how I wished... I had to perfect my every move, every note to sing, everything so that when that one day would come up, the day he where he would have eyes for me only, he would never look away again. And every little one of his attentions was getting me burning inside, everytime a bit more, awakening in me more and more painfully sweet desires.

*Masashi lisait avec beaucoup trop d'émotions pour s'arrêter sur le moment présent ou les descritpions de Ryoku. Bien sur il savait que celui-ci était fort occupé et ne le blâmait pas d'avoir écouté à ses offres de sorties, bien au contraire! Masashi aimait lire ainsi leur histoire et la revivre. Il s'en sentait tout étourdi à nouveau, passant une main derreiere sa chevelure, se rappelant les chaleurs provoquées par Ryoku.*

I remember being on touch about the qualifications for the singing and dancing competitions. I was so amazed at how you did everything with such passion and devotion. How did you manage to do all of these and excel everywhere? I was impressed, so impressed! I wanted to congratulate you on this amazing work, and yet, like oyu said... I didn't want to harass you. Did I ? Probably, but you were liking it so it didn't occur too awkward to you. Was I stricted with you? I'm pretty sure that's true, yes, you could handle it. You needed it. It kept you going further and further, and you were already so good! And... it was an excuse to be closer to you, to touch you, to practice more with you...

"Again".... Ryo, I know you did it amazingly...but hearing your voice crack at this scene, I needed you to do it again. Maybe I enjoyed it too much. "Raise your chin a little higher, yeah, yeah here. You're proud, you're full of yourself, you refuse to have someone look down on you... yes... yes exactly like this. Okay let's do it again together" . The more we practiced, the more it became a torture not to press my lips on your body. I remember practicing that scene where Yuki is insistant on Shuichi, pinning him against the wall. My heart was pounding so fast as my eyes stared at yours, falling down on your lips, pretending to lean in for a forced kiss. Torture. Stopping right before touching your lips. Stopping, feeling your breath, feeling this slightliest movement of your lips as mine curled into a smile. Did we slightly touch? I was so overwhelmed I had to call the practice to an end. Ryo, Ryo I remember all of these practices so well.

Playing your boyfriend, before knowing how amazing it would be to be yours, was the sweetest part of everyday we'd practice. And the hardest, was not to let my nervousness of our proximity distract me. It felt as though everytime you'd pin me up agianst that wall it was a different story. Once, I remember we had to start over because I letted out a gasp. I was getting too hot I think... And Ken told me of my fingers fidgetting not to reach for you. The very first we did it, I was blushing like a teenage boy. And the more weeks passed, the closer we were getting, the more sexual that pinning became. There was a whole body langage between the two of us. How did you look at me? I can't really say, I was fighting so hard not to let the warmth get the best of me as I'd stare at your lips, and feel your breath on my neck.

Oh Masa... do you remember the night you called me up at like, 11pm, on a tuesday, to go practice? We had spent the friday and saturday together already, and the show was coming up really close? You said main characters had to devote themselves to their art even more than the others. That we should practice in another environment, to see if our chemistry was hanging on...?

* Ryoku passa une main sur la joue de Masashi, tournant son visage vers le sien et s'approcha de lui, tout près de ses lèvres, sans les embrasser, comme s'il voulait, momentanément revivre cette tension. Et à cause de cette lecture, on aurait dit qu'il le ressentait à nouveau. *

*Repensant àa tous ces moments, Masashi se sentait d'Autant plus fragile de succomber aux charmes de son amoureux. Lorsque celui-ci s'empara de lui et les rapprocha, il voulut l'Embrasser avec ce même élan que ce qu'il avait voulu, dans ses souvenirs. Puis, il ressentit cette tension. Cette agréable et désagréable tension qui les rapprochait et qu'aucun des deux ne voulait franchir trop vite, se plaisant à la sentir monter de semaines en semaines, voulant voir jusqu'où ils pourraient se rendre. Masashi sourit avec un petit air de défi alors uqe ses lèvres n'étaient qu'à peine séparées de celles de Ryoku.*

I remember... not being able to sleep, thinking of you, wondering if you were are as edgy as me about all of this... I hadn't really realised the time. I just... wanted to see you. I wanted to be with you...

There were so many things that I wanted from you, with you, I didn't know how to repress them all. I wanted to kiss you so badly, I wanted to feel your body onto mine, let my hands burn your skin with desire and hear your voice beg me to continue ~ It was 11pm. I thought only of you. I wanted to get this urge inside of me to a calm. How was going to seeyou and practice going to calm this raging fire inside of me?

It was what... two weeks before the Countdown?

*D'une main, Masashi glissa contre la taille de Ryoku et descendit sur sa cuisse. C'était inconscient, c'était totalement dans le mood de leurs souvenirs. Il alternait son regard entre les yeux et les lèvres de Ryoku, approchant subtilement son corps le plus possible, agrippant légèrement sa cuisse avec sa main. *

Every week we practiced this scene, everytime getting more and more into it. It really felt like I was forcing myself onto you, desiring your body with my eyes, my grasp, my whole body. At first you were shy, but soon enough you responded and offered yourself to me. You wanted to be appealing, you wanted to refuse but not really. You just wanted me to insist more. That scene was the hardest, the hardest to act and the hardest to resist. I really wanted to pin you against me. Maybe we repeated a few times due to blanks, to your gasp, oh what a turn-on that was... I had a lot of trouble doing it again after, controlling this hardening feeling inside of me. And that time I pinned you so closely, my thigh against yours and I felt like any second, you would feel a reaction coming from me. Half a second, but I had to quickly get away from you. Away before I gave in.

Mmm.. yes... yes it was..

* Se rappeler ces souvenirs était aussi excitant que le vivre, et comme les bon acteurs qu'ils étaient, les sentiments conflictuels et puissants qu'ils avaient ressenti revenaient à la surface de façon plus qu'accurate. Le corps, les pensées, le rythme cardiaque, tout était comme dans le passé. Ressentant son amoureux s'Approcher, Ryoku ne s'attendit pas à ce touché sensuel et frissonna de facon évidente, émettant un petit son, alors qu'il répondit en se tendant vers sa main. Leurs corps étaient si près, mais il ne fallait pas s'embrasser, non? Ryoku ressentait tout le souffle de son amoureux contre son cou, et sa main qui caressait sa joue glissa dans ses cheveux, contrôlant ses tension en fourrageant sa chevelure, avant de revenir le saisir avec plaisir et retenue tout à la fois. Non il ne fallait pas succomber, comme dans le passé. Leurs lèvres étaient si près de se frôler. *

I had been in bed... thinking of you, hoping I'd make again these sweaty dreams where I'd picture you take me... And you called me outside. It was chilly a bit, but I was burning so, it truly was perfect. I ran all the corridors to get to you... I was so excited...

I arrived breathless from running to you. I had changed from my pj to anything to I could find. I grabbed a jacket and just wanted to get you as fast as I could... you waited for me with sucha beautiful irresistible smile, I almost ran up and jumped on you... We practiced in the park area, under the moonlight. It was even more entracing in the dark like this. We had to act with all the other senses than our sight. We even used the school brick wall for the pre-kiss scene. I couldn't see you perfectly, but I could feel you so near, hear your breath, coming closer and closer, your body slowly reaching mine. This proximity, the shivers I felt down my spine... I begged you to do the scene more roughly... because if you were to brush my thighs that delicately again.. you would have made a mess of me..

aah~ you were in bed... thinking of me...

Heh... I had been in bed too, just before I called you. My mind and body thinking of you, I couldn't get a hold of myself... Next thing I knew I was right there, outside, waiting in front of the dorms. So I... called you out. It was a chilly night indeed, but ...we were both burning.

When you begged me to be rougher with you, I was scared a bit. Afraid to hurt you as I pinned you. But at the same time, I was glad. I couldn't handle this shivering feeling between my thighs. Except ... when I did it rougher... I ... my thighs... your thighs.. aah just thinking about it makes me want to touch you again...

*Masashi se crispa légèrement aux côtés de Ryoku. Leur proximité était envahissante et il ressentait une vague de chaleur s'emparer de lui, même s'il ne portait que des sous-vêtements. Respirant plus rapidement et fortemnet, Masashi avait bien certainement une teinte rosée au visage et une main qui se faisait plus moite.*

I still can't believe you asked me to be rougher... I knew you were talking about the scene but I ... how could I not make this assumption? Wwe couldn't even see each other. I pinned you rougher, closer... my lips brushed yours slightly, my thigh pressed against you so firmly, my waist inclined to push onto your thighs so I could be even closer... Half a second.

Half a second before I moved away. I couldn't. I was getting hard. I breathed heavily and tried to make it look like I was absolutely in control. If you had seen me, you would'Ve known everything. "I think... we should really practice this scene when we can actually see each other. Too much of non-verbal interactions for it to happen in the dark like this ^^' Thanks for practicing with me"

If you only knew... the state in which you left me...

* Ils venaient de faire l'amour et pourtant, le souvenir était si fort que c'était comme s'ils étaient attendus des mois. Ryoku sentit ses cuisses se tendre, glissant contre celles de Masashi, par dessus, envahissant son espace, s'appropriant sa proximité. Le côté de son corps se colla au sien, alors qu'il caressa sa chevelure avec une main de plus en plus moite, comme s'il allait succomber à l'inciter à faire complètement autre chose. Il le put résister à l'entourer de son autre main, qui l'entoura aux épaules aussi, glissant ses doigts contre sa nuque. Il frémit, leurs lèvres se frôlant à nouveau, et il frissonna davantage, cette fois émettant une petite plainte toute à fait demandante. *

That rougher practice against the wall... was almost sex in itself. I felt you, completly, for barely an instant. It was enough for myy whole body to enlighten up, for warmth to take me over. I covered my chest with an arm, as if to grasp control of myself, brushing my own lips with my fingers. Was it true, did I truly feel them, just a little? i was feeling so guilty. You were straight ne? My strong reaction must've disgusted and that was why you pulled away.

I apologized to you... without explaining why... but as I did so... I felt my voice being so tainted by how high I was that I stopped talking...

But I didn't want us to separate like this.. I needed to find a way to keep you with me... even if all I wanted was to realease the tension my body had built. I would've touched myself in dream of you. I would've relived your body from up close... your lips onto mine, your thighs onto mine, your curves, brushing mine... it was all I could think of... I almost went mad... I couldn't let my attraction for you trespass and scare you off.. but I was so advanced already...